Tired of being sorry.

Laying in bed that night I was scrolling my phone before bed when suddenly I got a message that made my stomach tie up into knots. Yet another attack in the UK, my heart sank knowing this would be twisted into another attack on Muslims. One part of me has become desensitised to this, the regular occurrence of such attacks globally is daily news. Yet the other part of me feels so broken fearing more violence closer to home, more hate to be spewed and more ignorance towards my beliefs.

Going about my routine a few days later I found myself being very self-conscious about what I said or how I felt about the sad events. I am by no means a paranoid person, I get moments of self-doubt like so many others, but when it comes to my beliefs I am strong enough to stand by them. So trust me when I tell you I am not imagining the hatred going on here. The look of disgust on many once I open my mouth to speak about my sadness towards the attack, as though I have no right to feel guilty when it is ‘my people’ who are doing this. The constant guilt I am made to feel is all too common by those who find it necessary to constantly remind and ask me “this is why I don’t believe in God, why should I when he makes you all kill us normal people?” Each time I hear that it stings a little bit more, I didn’t realise I was an alien from Mars sent here on earth to terrorise normal people.

The ignorance is at an all-time high, I have lost count of the times I have sat and tried to explain that terrorism is not a religion. I do not need to go around justifying why I believe in a God, nor do not need to justify why I pray daily. Doing these things does not make me any less British than Susan down the road, I know all the words to every Steps song, love a good cup of tea and can sit and talk about the weather all day long.

As a British born Muslim I truly feel like I don’t belong anywhere right now or feel safe from comments such as “get these Muslims out”. Sure a few posts ago I mentioned how I had a great bunch of friends who have never made me feel this way, however that does not mean I can escape those who see me as the enemy.

Why must I continuously condemn acts that I pretty obviously don’t condone, as a human why would I think it is ok to kill others? As a Muslim I only have to read the Qur’an to know this is against everything I stand for and yet still I am being told to do more. I am not integrating enough, I am not standing up to terrorism enough and I am not British enough. When will anything we as Muslims do be enough for those who are blinded by their ignorance and hate for everything that isn’t white and ‘pure’. Seriously though what is pure? We live in a world that has become a melting pot of cultures, societies merging to create a new normal and I am told I am filth because of the colour of my skin or the religion I choose to follow in this allegedly free country that sees it perfectly fine to victimise the majority for the acts of the radical minority.

I live in a country surrounded by those who see me as a foreigner not being educated enough to know that the United Kingdom invaded so many countries. In fact there are only 22 in the world that the UK has not invaded and yet never has the UK tried to integrate, but instead imposed their own values. Ironic much?

The sadness and frustration got me feeling helpless so I compiled a bunch of questions I have been asked recently in hopes some may either chuckle at the idiocy or relate to:

Why do you Muslims kill people?

Erm well we don’t, I have known you for months and you’re still alive love.

Yeah but the Qur’an tells you to kill us?

Actually no, the Qur’an says:

“Whoever kills an innocent human being, it shall be as if he has killed all mankind, and whosoever saves the life of one, it shall be as if he saved the life of all mankind.”

(Qur’an 5:32)

Why don’t you just say sorry then?

If I sat and condemned every negative action a person has done then I would be sat here forever. As humans we all make mistakes, but these acts of terrors were not done by practicing Muslims. They were sick inhumane individuals who do not practice the religion they claim to be a part of.

In fact the only sorry thing I do feel is that I ever embarked upon this conversation with you is what I would really be thinking.

Mosques and madrassas brainwash you all.

I wasn’t ever taught in a Mosque so I truly cannot comment on this, having visited many as I was older I can wholeheartedly disagree with this. I have never seen any brainwashing, I have in fact seen great community spirits bringing about unity. Sadly this is not shown in the media and I fear more supremists will play on the fear that is put out there playing into the hands of the terrorists themselves.

When I say Muslims are terrorists, I don’t mean you. You are a nice one.

Ok wow jeez thanks but seriously look at what you just said there. Islam has been around since the seventh century, radical extremists regularly referred to as Jihadi terrorism is far more recent, predominantly since the late 20th early 21st century. Religion is used wrongly by those either in or seeking power trying to justify their acts  of violence claiming it is in the name of God therefore causing the Katie Hopkin followers to blame the religion as a whole.

You sit there and tell me you are a human, not every human is the same. How can you expect every Muslim to be? I cannot be held accountable for everything another human does so why must I sit and apologise for the actions of every Muslim? Sure I disagree, but why do I need to be made to feel guilty for something I have had no involvement in?

To base your knowledge on a religion through the eyes of the media is indeed the real brainwashing here, my advice to all who are confused what Islam is would be to get out there and speak to Muslims. Stop hiding behind your computer screens and educate yourselves, many Muslims will appreciate and respect you asking as it shows you don’t just follow the crowds in hating us. I hate these murderers just as much as you, why do you doubt that I have the same emotions as you?

If you are told something long enough you will believe it. If I told you the sky was yellow enough times and made you out to be the minority then of course eventually you will believe it. That’s not ok, so why is it ok to blame an entire religion for the acts of radicals falsely claiming to be a part of a religion that strongly promotes peace?

Islam literally means peace. I want it just like you, let’s work together not against one another.


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